She's JV to your varsity
I wish they made helmets for livers.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
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