I wish I could teleport
I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
Randomize
