oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
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He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
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And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
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