You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Randomize
