What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
