It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
Randomize
