I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
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