I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
