ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
I have already put on my inside pants.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
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