what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Randomize
