If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
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