K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
grandma shit on top of the toilet
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
