ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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