why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
