She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
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