I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
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