he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
Randomize
