he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
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My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
And then my night got REAL pukey
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
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