That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Randomize
