im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Randomize
