We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
Also, beer. Big fan.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
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