I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
