He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Randomize
