Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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