I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
She tied me up with her honor cords...
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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