I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
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