Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
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