I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
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