guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
Randomize
