Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
I cockslap morals
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
Randomize
