He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Randomize
