I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
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