saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
Randomize
