i was rollin on her like bob the builder
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
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