Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
We talked him into tasing himself.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Randomize
