my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
Randomize
