I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
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