Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize
