I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Randomize
