you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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