I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
