Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Randomize
