Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize