Sorry, I don't speak sober.
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
