I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
i love accidental penises.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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