Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
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