Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Randomize
