I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
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