Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
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