There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
Randomize
