I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Randomize
