You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
Randomize
