Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
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