The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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