I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
Randomize