I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
