A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Randomize
