we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Randomize
