so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
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