I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
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