please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
