Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Randomize
