Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Randomize
