I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
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