So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
