I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Randomize
