now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
Randomize
