Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Randomize
