I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
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