I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
Randomize
