I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
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