A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
