you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
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