I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
